I’m still here

Well, almost anyway.

I have a few posts in pipeline, but so far I’ve not managed to finish any of them. I’ve wanted to write all spring and started to write a little on something but couldn’t finish it and then the next time I took to he pen I started on something new that I couldn’t continue on…

I know it’s been a stressful time for me, a lot of big things have happened but I’m not able to write about them in detail just yet. But here’s a few things that has happened over the last few months.

We have a toddler now – and she let us know it! Yikes, it’s hard to keep up with all her curiosity and creativity!

We started to make room for two more dads in our life (he donor and his husband), just to try to heal from their deceit and the lost friendship eight weeks later. Apparently our child wasn’t important enough and our friendship wasn’t strong enough for us to say “no” to an overnight stay 500km away without me or my wife.

I’ve started hormone replacement therapy with all the excitement and anticipation associated with that. Thus far resulting in a slight voice drop and some minor growth downstairs. I didn’t expect much to happen, but I’m disappointed that the changes plateaued out after just two weeks. So I’m currently looking forward to my next shot and  the changes that will bring.

We have a big project at work that has a deadline coming up soon. And we know people will be just as unhappy with it when they return from the summer holidays as they were before. On the other hand our team has worked our asses off all summer in a basement with no sunlight or possibility to crack open a window. No summer vacation for us this year… We’re also loosing one of our team members due do downsizing in four weeks. Work is by far the worst stress factor in my life right now.

Due to all the colds and other illnesses this spring I haven’t been able to take my arthritis medicine for six months – the time it takes for it to leave my system. So of course my knee swelled up, had to be drained and injected with cortisone (it hurts in case you wonder. Almost as much as it hurts to walk around with an inflamed and swollen knee for over a month. I’m not quick to see the doctor…)

Due to all of this my anxiety has worsened and I’ve had a few panic attacks too this last couple of weeks. I’m really trying to take care of myself so it won’t progress into depression as it tends to do. 

So I’ll continue to stay low for a while until I’ve healed a bit, but I’ll be back here on the blog eventually.

With love, Fredric

10 thoughts on “I’m still here

  1. Lesboi says:

    Glad to hear you got to start T. Good luck with that. Otherwise, hang in there. We’ll be here when you’re less stressed and ready to write again. Hope it all gets better soon. Take care!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much, I sincerely hope this rough patch will pass soon. 2016 has been an exceptionally stressful year for me so far. Let’s hope the second half will be calmer!


  2. Thanks for posting the update – I’m sorry that things are hard and that you are having anxiety attacks – it is tough to keep it from going in a downward spiral. But I’m glad to hear you finally got T. Give it time to do it’s work and be careful running after that toddler!

    Liked by 1 person

    • The results of the t has started to appear slowly during the first two weeks after the shot. Now it seems like I’ve hit a plateau and I guess the next phase of changes will start to happen after I get my second shot. I like that the changes come slowly and I don’t mind the waiting. It makes it easier for me and my surrounding to adjust and I’m not in any rush, I will get there eventually!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Liam says:

    I’m sorry to hear of your hardships, but glad to hear you’re now on T, too. I’ve been on T for just a little over two weeks now, and enjoying the ride so far.
    Take care, Fredrik.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I started approx four weeks ago. I felt the first changes most during the second week, but I assume it depends on wether you get gel, injections or other.
      I hope you will continue to feel as good as you feel now about it!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Congrats on starting hormones! I’m sorry to hear about the other stuff, but that’s a really good thing at least.

    I had been wondering when your next update would drop, but as someone who has vanished from their own blog for weeks and weeks at a time I definitely understand.

    I hope things pick up soon. I have my fingers crossed that the next update can be a positive one!

    Liked by 1 person

    • So do I. I feel a bit gloomy with just a couple of updates this year, most of them not so upbeat as I wish they would be. The odd thing is that I’m normally a happy chap, but for some reason can’t express that in writing at the moment.
      Take care love!

      Liked by 1 person

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