A new mug

I’m now back to work (again) after being on parent leave since the end of the summer. I’ve loved to be a stay at home dad and the bond I’ve created with my child is precious. But it was time for her to start kindergarten to be able to play and explore things with other kids. We’ve found a lovely kindergarten close by with awesome pedagogues that allow the kids to grow in their own pace and explore the things that interest them. They are so sweet to the kids and the kids are so sweet to each other! If someone’s unhappy they hug each other or give them their favorite toy!

The first two weeks when I was with my daughter in preschool, a way to ease them in to the routines there, one of the pedagogues asked me how she should title me – if I wanted to be called daddy Fredric or just daddy. She wanted to ask me so she said the right thing to our daughter and to the other kids since they know that I’m not her biological father. She did it in a nice way, but the question baffled me anyway. I often forget that the things we think is normal and the things that are part of our everyday life is unusual, exotic, strange and new to most other people. For us it’s given that our child has one dad and one donor, it’s our reality and sometimes I forget that most kids just have a biological mum and dad (and siblings and relatives…).Since our daughter is enjoying kindergarten it was time for me to go back to work too. Even if I’m just back halftime at the moment, I know my colleagues are happy to have me back. With no substitute during my leave my colleagues have had to cover for me and work has piled up. 

This is the first time I’m really back as Fredric. I’ve been back before for a day or two and for a few months this last summer so my closest colleagues all know me as Fredric, but the teachers, principals and other staff in the school district that we work for/with don’t.

My colleagues have taken great joy in answering people’s questions about when “Ess will be back” with “she won’t”… The follow up questions about wether I’ve quit or if something has happened to me has been answered in the same fashion with a single “no”, just to enjoy the confusion it creates (chuckle, chuckle).

I work mainly over the phone or by email and I’ve noticed that staff I have had a lot of contact with in the past treat me like a new person now. They don’t recognize that it’s still me, with the same (unusual) last name and the same voice. They hear a different name and that’s it. It’s equally fun and disturbing. It’s like starting fresh but at the same time it can be annoying when they try to “update” me on a subject we’ve discussed over fifteen times.

I had to buy a new mug for work too, my colleagues kept bugging me for “stealing that poor girls mug” (it has Ess written all over it), and I struggled to find an acceptable one. 90% of the mugs in the store were too feminine and the rest were just plain white or ugly, or both. After some agonizing I settled on a mug with blue stylized flowers/crosses. It’s not as masculine as I would have liked, but at least it’s not ugly and it doesn’t have pink flowers on it.

11 thoughts on “A new mug

    • Thanks!
      It’s a bit weird though, I kind of liked the swing I was in being home with the kid and I will miss it a lot. At the same time I like my job and my colleagues and have missed them a bit, so it’s one of those moments where I can’t have it all…


  1. Lesboi says:

    It sounds like you have a lot of support at work and also at your child’s school and that makes me smile. I specifically like how they’re keeping everyone guessing, though I could see that being a bit strange too. Anyway, glad you’re having a good go of it and I’m sure you do miss your time with your child as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    • They’re a goofy bunch, and we joke around with each other quite a bit (with lots of love and care for each other – never anything that might make someone unhappy). Our job is never easy, so we try to make the best of it and it seems like they’re all happy playing at this internal joke.


  2. Great post! I’m again reminded of the little differences and challenges you’re coming across that are a reverse of mine. For instance, I’m enjoying the fact that I can now freely buy things like mugs, phone covers, bags etc. in feminine designs, there’s so much more choice! In earlier years I’d always settle for the boring masculine designs, being hyper-aware that buying a “women’s version” of said item would draw attention. It also meant any gift was plain black as the default colour for just about everything. So in a way I understand that struggle of looking for something that feels masculine but not plain and boring, albeit for different reasons obviously.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m really happy for you, having much more choice in stuff – and with more colors! I do think men’s stuff are unnecessary dull, at the moment it’s hard to find clothes that contain any other color than black or gray… I mean dark blue, green and red are fine too!!!
      I know my MtF friends find it hard to understand the liberation I feel by dressing in button downs and chinos, but I love the fact that there’s not so many choices in men’s fashion – apart from the temporary total lack of color. I like wearing basically the same clothes every day. I never have to think about what to wear, and I feel so much more confident!
      When it comes to China I like the flowery stuff, but since I’m not passing fully yet I feel that it would “give me away” to easy. I might make different choices later on, but for now I’m playing it safe and choose masculine stuff.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I have a sign above my desk with my name and job written on it, but so has everyone else in the office… I thought about getting a mug with my name on it, but they’re quite hard to find over here. So masculine mug will do for now!


      • Kris says:

        Don’t you have photography shops that will transfer a photo or name to a mug for you? Here almost all photo development shops have such a service. I’d love a mug that says, ‘Remi’s Dad’ – might still get one if Remi’s mom will approve. Take care!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well, actually we do. I hadn’t thought of that! I’ll look into that soon! Maybe a picture of my little gorgeous child too, alongside with my name and “dad”. Or perhaps two mugs… 😉


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s