I don’t believe it!

I don’t believe it!As long as we’ve been a couple, me and my wife have talked about the possibility to be foster parents. We have both had support from non-family grown ups when we were kids and our parents for different reasons couldn’t see to all our needs. For us being a foster family is a way to give back – or pay forward depending on how you express it. We were enquired a few years back, but it didn’t lead to a placement. A lot of things have changed since. We have moved, I’m now out and proud and we have had a baby. A lot have changed for the social service too with all the refugees coming, and especially all the kids that have fled across Europe without their parents. So we’re just back from a meeting with social service talking about us being a potential foster family for refugees. I don’t hold my hopes up for an actual placement, but at least we’ve offered our home and services. 

During the meeting we talked a bit about our upbringing and my wife mentioned me being raised as Ess. The child-welfare officer interrupted her with a confused expression and said that she didn’t follow. “What do you mean that he was raised as Ess?” My wife actually had to spill the beans for her, literally stating that I was born and raised female. I can’t believe that she didn’t pick up on me being trans! I mean, NOT AT ALL!!!

I haven’t changed anything the last couple of months, I walk the same, I talk the same, dress the same and have the same kind of haircut. I haven’t lost or gained any weight but I have had a bad cold with inflamed vocal cords, making my voice sound like I’m in puberty as my dear friend expressed it – with a grin. Apparently the voice drop the cold gave me was all I needed to be able to pass properly. Not pass as in “I’m not entirely sure, but you seem to want to be added as male” but pass as in “that’s a man. Period.” I think I have passed before, but that was with my mouth closed and at some distance. This was across from a small table, talking and in a well lit room!

For me it’s really important to be able to pass, and after today’s experience I feel comfortable knowing that when my voice drop on T I will be able to. That means that the rest of the changes on T, together with the surgeries that I’m also looking forward to, is just for me. Just so that _I_ may feel more comfortable with my own body. I don’t need to worry about being able to grow a beard or not, or worry about how my chest will look after surgery in order to pass (with my clothes on)! It’s a big weight lifted from my shoulders as I’ve lately felt that I’ll never pass properly.

Now, the only drawback from this is that I now wish my voice would stay in this sore but deep state until I start T…

4 thoughts on “I don’t believe it!

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