Trying to make a difference

I’m about to revamp my blog with a new name and a new look. After all Ess seized to exist when my name change got legal so there’s no point of having tea with Ess anymore, you would find yourself quite lonely at the table! For months I’ve struggled with a new blog name. It turns out that finding a new blog name was much more difficult for me than finding a new name. With my wife’s help I’ve finally settled on Fredrication as I hope it will suit me for a long time onwards ;-). So in a few weeks you will notice the changes, but it’s still me!
Not much else is happening at the moment. I’m back to work, but things are moving beyond slow there. The baby on the other hand has started to move around quite fast now and I’m not sure we know what we’ve gotten our selfs into… She’s lovely though and I love to hear her laughter! She’s warm and cuddly and I don’t want anything to harm her. Especially not rigid gender roles. We try to tell her how strong, brave and awesome she is, but I think I hear she’s a “good girl” and that she “looks lovely” way too often. I’m really struggling with this. I know that it doesn’t really matter what we tell her, everyone else around her will tell her that she’s a girl and that she should behave accordingly. For me that was toxic, but what if she’s truly a girl who likes pink, dresses and frills? Is it still harmful? Isn’t it just affirming? I want her to become what SHE is, not what society or her parents think is suitable for her. I guess our greatest fear is that she is a girly girl because both I and my wife are out of our depths there. None of us has any clue what it is to be a girly girl, for us they were just obnoxious bullies who didn’t think for themselves. I want my child to be a nice person, someone who looks after herself and everyone around her, who is enough on her own, who doesn’t need anyone else to tell her that she is perfect just the way she is. But how do you teach a kid that when everywhere she looks she’s told that she’s not good enough. And I’m not just talking about media here, even though media has a big part in this, I’m talking about me and my wife, her grandparents, teachers and her friends.

You know the saying “kids don’t do as they’re told, they do what you do”? I strongly believe that the only way to teach my child how to be a good person is to be a good person. So what will I teach her when I never feel that the things I do is good enough? How can I teach her mindfulness when I’m always rushing around? How will we be able to teach her to be happy with her body when her mother think she’s overweight, ugly and doesn’t deserve nice clothes? Or when my mother’s constantly commenting on my family’s weight? She actually told us that our baby was fat! Just for the record our baby is on the small side, but even if she was chubby, she’s just a baby!! We can tell her that she’s perfect, but how can she believe us when we say one thing and then act another? Combine that with media, dolls, friends and their parents, teachers, strangers and so on and she will soon figure out what “truly matters” in our world. It makes me so sad to think about it.

4 thoughts on “Trying to make a difference

  1. Kris says:

    As to the blog change – I am looking forward to it. As to the parenting – I am also totally out of my depth there, so no advice from me, except than from what I have learnt about you and your wife from your blog, the baby will grow up a happy, secure and loved. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Looking forward to the blog changeover! I love the new name, I’m terrible at coming up with names for things and I’m very indecisive. Honestly I don’t even like the name of my blog but if I didn’t settle on it I’d still be sat wondering what to call it!

    Liked by 1 person

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