Manly behavior 

The last few weeks have just been a whole bunch of outings, all my colleagues now know, also the dance group, all of our friends and everyone I know on Facebook. Over all the reactions varies from good to very good, I haven’t had any bad reactions yet. I guess people who don’t like it just keep their mouth shut over here. The only real questions I get after coming out as trans is what my new name is and when they should start using it. A few people have asked if I’ll go on hormones, if I’ll have any surgeries and when I decided to start my transition. That’s about how intimate the questions will get. I consider myself very lucky. Not only do I have a very supportive family (my wife’s), but the general public in Sweden seems to be well educated as I usually just tell people I’m going to do a “gender correction” (the English term is “Sex reassignment therapy” but the Swedish word is just as fuzzy as it sounds) so I’m impressed that so many people actually know what it means.

Everyone has picked up on my new name really quickly, but pronouns is a complete different matter. The people that goes the extra mile to respect me as male has become very important to me. For me it’s a marker on how accepting they are, and who is really my closest friends. There’s no huge surprises, my closest friends do respect my gender more, but there have been a few slight shifts. Some that were good friends I now consider closer, and some close friends are reduced to good friends. Since coming out it has also been more important to me to have closer contact with the people that acknowledge the whole me, and less important to keep up the contact with those who forget my name and pronouns all the time.

In February I wrote that I don’t get men and that I don’t know how to socialize with them, but since coming out that have changed dramatically. I am now treated like a man, or rather a boy at the moment. I do accept being treated like a boy, I realize that in many ways I still act like a boy and I see it as a normal part of the fostering men do of boys so that they can become respectable grown-up men. My wife and I are really good friends with a couple that we meet every week, and I’m really the closest to the wife. Since coming out I’ve noticed that her husband is more watchful when I’m talking to her alone, he kind of hover over and changes my focus in the conversation to him. It’s not like he interrupts, it’s more like him putting his arm around my shoulders, turning me another direction and telling me 1: this is what men talk about and 2: men don’t really have close relationships with other men’s wife’s. I’m not loosing a friend here, she will still be a close friend (and she doesn’t seem to pick up on the hints he’s giving me) and I’m really gaining a very good friend in him. He is nice, a good role model, funny to talk to and we have a lot of common interests. And I accept that I have to behave differently now that I’m starting to be read as a man. Or as my wife points out; men don’t wiggle their hips to music.

7 thoughts on “Manly behavior 

  1. Wow it sounds like this has been a generally good experience for you with your friends. I know what you mean about some close friends becoming good friends and good friends becoming close friends. I’m drivng to Sweden in the summer and I hope it’s as trans-friendly as it sounds!

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