One down, the rest of the world to go

At 2.30 am I got a text message from my dad asking if he could come by to visit us today (why does he insist to send messages at that time? When he text me it’s always in the meddle of the night!). I replied a few hours later (in daytime) and he showed up this afternoon. For once he was really nice. He didn’t shout at our barking dogs when he arrived and he said hello to the baby. He didn’t piss of my wife during his whole stay, which in itself is an achievement from his side, and she sat with us the whole time. I’m more used to see him somewhat grumpy, stressed and in general unpleasant so this was a really nice change. If he keep this up I can consider spending more time with him. I think my parents breakup is the best thing that have happened to them both, even if they’re currently fighting over the house, garden plants and glass jugs. Mostly he talked about the partition and the legal consequences for me (none that I care about, what they do with their possessions and money is really none of my business) and tried to denigrate my mum and her new boyfriend. I don’t think he realize that I don’t care that she betrayed him with another man for nearly a year before their breakup. The only thing I do care about is that they are all happy, and from my point of view they have a vast better opportunity for happiness without each other. He left enough talking space for the baby to interrupt us and just be admired for a while and for me to tell him about my wish to transition. He reacted really well and said he would look up more information so he wouldn’t ask inappropriate questions. Actually he reacted a bit too well for my taste.I know a lot of parents to gay children that are coming out say “I’ve known since you were five” and based on how my parents have reacted to this news, I wonder how much they have guessed something like this would happen. On one hand their reactions are really good and supportive, but I can’t help being a bit pissed of anyway. If they guessed I didn’t really fit my assigned gender, or if they’re just two really open minded persons – why did they force me to have long hair and wear dresses my whole childhood and tried to continue to force me as an adult? The other explanation for their casual reaction could be that they just don’t care that much about me, that they react the same way they would if one of their friends or colleagues came out to them. Surely you would feel, well, something when your child comes out as trans? I’m just not sure whether they don’t feel anything or disguise their feelings really well in order to be seen as “good parents” or not loose me for saying something stupid. It bugs me that I can’t read them. Usually the very first, albeit irrational, feeling a person have would show through no matter how well you try to conceal them. But not for my parents, which leads me to think that they don’t have any emotions at all. Argh, my relationship with my parents are so weird! I’m glad that I have a very normal and irrational family in law and many friends ranging from using the right name and pronouns from the first minute to those who will take forever to remember the right name. I like normal people with good intentions that are able to show their true feelings.

8 thoughts on “One down, the rest of the world to go

  1. Kris says:

    I’m choosing to see his visit and reactions as cautionary optimistic. He is going through many changes in his life right now and it sounds like the changes are making him feel better about himself and life. He made emotional space for your wife, baby and even the dogs – let’s hope it forecasts acceptance of you being trans as well. Take care, all you lovely creatures.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop when things go better than expected, too, but I’ll side with Kris on this one – cautious optimism. Of course, this is said from our nice, cushy seat on the outside. haha. Congrats though. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It all sounds good – except that neither of your parents is really interested in your experience, your life, your transition, your baby, or anything that isn’t about them. They may also need to “see and hear it” in order to believe it.
    But it is great that your Dad is making an independent effort to see you (and not shout at your dogs).


    • I’m very used to the non interest they have in me and that the only time they contact me is when they want me to massage their ego in some way. Unfortunately. But on the other hand I cherish the real family I do (and did) have in my in law family and my grandparents. My parents are just part of that road bump you get in life, you’ll get past it and focus on the road ahead instead. It’s just a shame they don’t realise what they’ll miss out on!

      Liked by 1 person

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