Faith

I have a strong belief in faith. I believe that before we are born our path is laid out for us, or at least some step-stones to guide our way. As strongly as I believe in faith I also believe that we have the choice to follow our path or not. While there are step-stones to follow, we still have to do the walking on our own. We must take active part in our life and figure out the way between the stones and still be percipient enough to see the direction of our path when it is given to us. I also believe that everything happens for a reason. Good or bad, it all leads forward on the path I’m supposed to walk. This philosophy helps me tremendously every day. It keeps me from pondering over the past, what-ifs and it also keeps me from thinking too much of the future, it will come in its due time. My path is marked out for me, but I have no need to know where it will lead me. I’m more interested in where it have taken me today. In my life the step-stones have been very visible for me. With two dominant parents who demand that I just “tag along” in their path, I had little saying about my own life when I was growing up. There was however moments where I felt my step-stones clearly and I changed from being quiet and pliant to assertive. The first experience of this that I remember was when I was six years old and knew I had to take ballet class. And so I did for twelve years (without getting any good at it). At nine I changed school in favor for a music profile, at fifteen I had to go to Ireland as an exchange student, at nineteen I came out as gay, met my future wife and moved away from home, at twenty three I changed university to study art, media and education, at twenty nine I started folk dancing and at thirty three I became a man. These are my step stone moments and the reason I know them so well is because they are so weird. It’s like my mind suddenly has been hijacked by “fate” for a moment who make a decision and then hand me back my mind again. I literally wake up one morning knowing what I must do, knowing I have little to none alternative. Sure, I could fight these moments, being stubborn and going my own way but I see no need for it. All the moments I’ve listed above have been essential for me in order to become the person I am. Not all of them has been all positive experiences but I stuck it out because I had a feeling it would lead me to things I needed to know and people I needed to meet.

I was raised with Christian believes and attended church every week, knowingly I was the only one in my school doing so. I was also raised to feel pride in my Viking heritage and was fittingly educated in Norse mythology. Christianity came late to Scandinavia and then mostly out of business necessity and it coexisted with the Norse mythology for a very long time, and still to this day I would say. Despite the church’s insistent efforts to eliminate everything pagan from Sweden most of our beliefs, myths and celebrations today are closely linked to the pre-Christian ones. The church merely changed the way we speak about it. My fatalist believes can be linked to Norse mythology and I find the stories of the Norns very comforting. The norns are three women; the past, the present and the future, who weave the fabric of fate for humans and gods alike. Every thread in the weave is the fate of one person and it is interlocked with the fate of others through the fabric. If you wish, you can learn more about the Norns through Wikipedia.

There are certain things in my and my wife’s life that can’t just be coincidences. We grew up in different towns, 20km apart, and there’s five years between us but we apparently attended the same swimming club, but she quit just when I started. We had the same recorder teacher, but again my wife quit playing the recorder the same year I started. When I was 13 my family moved after many years of searching for a new house, two months later my wife moved to my old neighborhood and became good friend to my old babysitter who I kept contact with until we moved. A few years later my wife’s relationship ended, the same month I came out to myself and started to join the LGBT community. We hooked up three months later and have never been apart since. We’ve been so close to meet our whole life, but it’s like someone/something kept us apart until we were ready for each other. Seeing this as merely coincidences gives me no comfort, but seeing it as fate does and it makes our relationship feel much more special.

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