Daddy issues

I haven’t told my dad about my desire to transition yet. I did tell my mum, but no information is ever exchanged between them so I’m sure that he doesn’t know anything. I don’t want to do it over the phone so I planned to tell him the next time he came to visit, or the next time I see him. I really don’t want to change that plan but time is running away, the last time I saw my dad was last year and it doesn’t seem like I’m going to see him soon either. Most of our close friends and family knows at the moment and have started to use my preferred name and pronoun (no one yet have even bat an eye – those who have reacted at all said something in the area of “I thought something was up”) and since we are planning a get-together in honor of our baby, things might get a bit awkward if he’s not informed.
My concern is not so much when I’m going to tell him, but how he will react when I do. I think he is the only one who has invested in me being a girl – everyone else think of me as me, not a gender. But I’m dads “precious daughter”, his “starlight” and “beloved child”. He doesn’t see me as an individual with thoughts and feelings of my own, but as a concept. The concept of “daughter” and “child”. By announcing that I’m actually a grown man, I will break both his concepts of me and he usually doesn’t react good to broken concepts. The first step will inevitably be somewhere the line of “you will always be my baby girl and nothing can change that”, but I just can’t accept that. I will not have him disrespecting me like that. It’s time for him to realize that I’m a person of my own with thoughts, feelings and a worth of my own.
The next battle I’m looking forward to with my dad is the welcoming-party were planning for our baby. I suspect that he will react quite badly to us not baptizing her, considering how he reacted to us not having a church wedding. It’s hard for people around us to understand this, most people in Sweden are secularized and those who are not are used to dealing with it. But my dad is not like most people. Religion should not be an issue with him considering that my mum is an atheist and that they weren’t married, but for some reason it is. No matter what I have to tell him about my preferred gender before the party since everyone else who is invited knows and has started to use my preferred name and pronouns. I rather not tell him there and then, but the chances of actually telling him face to face are beginning to look slim.

8 thoughts on “Daddy issues

  1. I absolutely know what you mean about the concept stuff. That’s one reason I’ve been dragging my feet with my own parents. For a while I’ve felt like a lot of my relationship with them comes from the role I fulfil for them and not who I actually am as a person. Like a lot of the time I don’t feel like they’re really seeing me, just what they expect.

    Telling my dad he doesn’t actually have a son sounds catastrophic, I very much expect the both of them to see me as their son for the foreseeable future, regardless of what I say.

    Ah well. Good luck!

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    • Luckily he’s the only one in my life that’s invested that much in my girlness so I imagine he will be the most difficult to tell. All others are fine with it or if they’re not I don’t care. Good luck to you too!

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  2. It says a lot about him that he hasn’t gotten together with you to “bond” with the grand baby. It is a shame that he is so into his own world that there hasn’t been a good opportunity to bring it up. Are you opposed to doing it by letter (you can always say that you expected to see him but with the whirlwind of new parenthood you haven’t had any time with him alone)? The phone is more awkward for me than any other form of communication.

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    • I’m afraid that he will read in a lot of stuff in a letter, he does that over the phone as well, but I can at least correct him then. I don’t want him to make this a bigger deal than it is.

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