Oh, my…

My parents haven’t shown much interest in me or my little precious baby since she was born and it’s starting to bother me and my wife. They have never shown any interest in me or my wife and we are quite used to that, but for some reason we thought it would be different for our baby. My wife started to search the Internet for answers and found that it’s a common problem. She showed one of the sites to me, as she thought it described my relationship with my parents a little too well – not just the ignoring their grandchildren bit. I started to explore the site a bit more just to find out that it describes and offers help to people who have some kind of relationship, be it a partner, friend, colleague, parent, sibling or other, with narcissistic persons. After some more digging, searching, reading and looking at other resources, I concluded that BOTH my parents must have narcissistic personality disorder as they tick every box available. I myself tick every box available in describing kids to narcissistic parents. Oh yay… Well, now that I’ve finally found the problem – what do I do? Read the “survival-guide” of course. To my horror it basically just say cut all connections and move on with your life if you don’t want to continue to be the doormat. Great! That’s one thing to do if it is a friend or colleague, but parents??? How on earth shall I cut all connections to BOTH my parents without making them trying to hurt me even more than they already have?
This explains a lot, though. It explains why I never felt loved by my parents – I never was. It explains why dad told me that he has the right to say hurtful things to me and I should just accept it because I should love HIM unconditionally – he really believe that he has this privilege. It explains why my mum only calls when she need a dog-sitter, and why every birthday gift has been something SHE enjoy – she has no interest in anyone else than herself. It explains why my dad “have to think of himself” after their breakup instead of visiting his granddaughter – he has no interest in anyone than himself. They actually deserve each other but it’s a wonder that they’ve been together so many years!
I so wish my grandparents were here right now so I could cry in their arms and grieve the loss of the parents I never had.
I will return to this topic, but for now you’ll have to do with some others resources on narcissistic personality disorder:
Psychology today writes about narcissistic mothers and Angries out writes a lot about narcissistic personality disorder in general.

12 thoughts on “Oh, my…

  1. Ouch, what can I say? I don’t know why people have children if they do not really want them. My wife is a product of such a marriage as well and I know how it hurts. I just know your baby will not say the same one day. Hugs.

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  2. I’m really sorry to hear that 😦

    As I was reading your blog post I was sat here like “I think I’m going to find a lot of familiar things when I read into this…” I just read that Psychology Today article and yuuuuup. That’s my mother. That explains a lot. Thanks for sharing this! It’s kind of nice to know that there’s a name for this rather than “my mother is super intense and makes me feel crappy”.

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  3. My Mother was the most narcissistic parent imaginable. The whole world revolved around her. She was a very critical person (not disinterested), and only concerned about how what I did made her look (could she brag about it or take credit for it). Right up until the day she died.

    I did eventually cut off contact with her because she kept blaming me for everything that was wrong between us. There is a British psychologist who has written a lot about false selves and narcissism – D. W. Winnicott. Definitely worth a read/search. You should consider how to protect your baby from their influences.

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  4. I had experience with my ex whose mum was bipolar and just a complete narcissistic s-bag, the father was the same. She cut them off after too much pain, and it hurts a lot for her, but she sees it’s for the best for the harm they do. I’m sorry you have to go through a lot of that garbage as well, please be thankful for all the other love, and safety, you have in your life 🙂

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  5. Lesboi says:

    Unfortunately, the best thing you can do is not have any contact with your parents and be thankful that they are ignoring your child even though I know that is hurtful. My mother was a Narcissist too and the only thing she cared about was herself and her reputation. Like Jamie Ray said about their mother, I was only used to brag about and make herself seem better and when I couldn’t give her that she made me feel horrible about myself as a failure. That is not love!

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    • I know I won’t mind having no contact with them, but I’m not sure how to achieve it without making me a target for them. They pretty much let me be at the moment, so I don’t want to shift their focus on to me for anything in the world.

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