Issues with weight

I started this post a as a comment on Queering The Nerds post “I want to write about body positivity, but…” But it got too long so I decided to post it here instead.
One of the things I get really sad from is hearing other people being unsatisfied with their weight because I truly feel that it is insignificant and it shouldn’t be an issue at all. Weight is just that, it’s not affecting anyone else and it doesn’t affect your personality (it’s society’s reactions to weight that does). Me and my wife have very different experiences with weight, but we both have come to the same conclusion. For most of my life I’ve had a stable weight, being unable to gain or loose any of it. Back then I really needed to gain some, but it didn’t matter how much I ate the scale was always showing the same numbers. Eventually I gave up any attempt to change it. When I finally got treatment for my anxiety, suddenly my weight shifted to a more healthy one!
My wife’s story is a bit different. During her childhood she had a “normal” weight, but in her twenties he lost a lot of weight uncontrollably just to gain a lot, a lot, before she turned 30. She has a malfunctioning thyroid gland that didn’t get the right treatment for many years so she’s currently overweight, close to obese but can’t change it for all the diets in the world. Even though people around us try to make our weights an issue, we have learnt that it’s not important. We love each other and weight doesn’t change that. Some people can’t affect their weight, and that’s not someone else’s business.
I genuinely feel that the only way to influence your weight is to accept it and work on your happiness. Weight isn’t everything, but a healthy mind is. Work on your mind, forget about the weight and make peace with yourself. Some people just can’t diet the weight away, and some can. If you really want to shed some weight, this is my recipe for success:
Love yourself.
Accept that you might never loose any weight and be happy with it.
Do things you enjoy, preferably something where you move your body and get out in the open air. Just because it’s nice.
Don’t listen to other peoples opinions, because that just what it is – opinions. Avoid situations that make you insecure or make you feel bad, including media, functions and people.
Learn to listen to what your body want, and don’t want, regarding exercise, friendship, activities and food. One way to learn this is to follow a sensible diet for a few weeks. No diet is made to be followed for extensive period of times, but they can be used for learning to listen to your body’s needs. My wife cut the carbs from her diet for a week and then slowly added them back until her body told her it was just right. She ended up eating less carbs since, but I wouldn’t be able to do this. I’m a carb person and could easily live without meat, but my wife’s a protein person and can’t live without having meat at least once a day. In return she doesn’t need that much carbohydrates. We’re different but eats the same diet (I cook, my wife doesn’t…), just in different proportions. We have different needs and have learnt to listen to our bodies to avoid eating large portions just in order for our bodies to get what they need. I.e. Eating too much of unnecessary things.
Watch your portion sizes. We’re swedes and we eat meatballs on a regular basis. At home I cook 4-6 meatballs each for us (4 for me, 6 for my wife). We went to IKEA the other day and opted for the meatballs in the restaurant. It’s just that the smallest portion comes with 8 meatballs and 3 potatoes. That’s not a normal portion size (in school you get a maximum of 6 meatballs, for comparison), but it’s a phenomenon that’s growing in our society. When you eat out the portion sizes are rally large, and the more you eat out, the more you will start to think that it’s normal portions. Don’t. Again, learn to listen to what your body needs. It is ok to leave food on the plate (that’s actually the reason restaurants have large portion sizes. They don’t want you to leave their restaurant hungry and a way for them to know that is when there’s food left on the plate. If you clear the plate you might still be hungry…). Another thing to help you eat smaller portions is to eat from smaller plates. Portion sizes have grown over the last 50 years and so have the plates. At home we eat from the smaller plates or vintage plates (they’re about the same size!). When we put our portions on the plate they look full instead of covering 1/4 of a modern plate.
Don’t make it complicated. Do thing you love, eat thing you like and enjoy your life. Your weight isn’t you. Don’t feel pressured to loose weight unless your doctor is pressuring you. If they are, ask for their help, I can’t help you there.
Mind you, we haven’t lost much weight this way – but we feel good, are happy and healthy, and that is all that matters!
I have a friend that swears by the EH diet. He takes a full serving on his plate and then just “Eat Half” of it. The good half. In his case it’s the meat and the veggies, but you can divide it any way you want… I think it’s hilarious and just had to share it with you.

10 thoughts on “Issues with weight

  1. Fredrik, I get what you say about accepting and making peace with your weight, but if you are a trans guy who chooses not to use t, childbearing hips and camel humps as bums, stokes the dysphoria and people read you as “female” immediately. So I doubt I will be able to make peace with my body. It needs work. A lot of work. Hugs to all 7 of you.

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    • I know, but it’s not the dysphoria I’m talking about, that’s in a league of its own. This post is only about weight, not anything else you might have issues with with your body. I’m at peace with my weight, but NOT my feminine body!!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for the reblog. Everyone’s struggles are different; it’s important to keep that in mind. However, everyone’s lifestyles are different too, making different eating strategies either more or less feasible; and our bodies respond to stress in different ways. Additionally, we also exist in slightly different spheres of society, and our company can influence how we see ourselves. Compounded with dysphoria, weight can be a really awful personal issue. Sometimes it’s not about the judgement of others; it’s about the relationship between one’s body and oneself.

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    • Exactly, that’s my point! No one has the right to make you feel bad and some people can’t or don’t want to loose weight. Most people seem to “fail” their diets regularly, going back to old habits because those habits are there to comfort or protect from other issues. It’s not until you work on those issues that you will have a really good chance to loose weight, if that is what you really want to do.
      You have the right to be happy, weight shouldn’t be of any importance to your happiness.

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      • You’re totally right that the whole concept of a diet is doomed to failure because it’s about deprivation, which isn’t sustainable longterm. Most people these days advocate for small changes.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I was overweight for two reasons; I didn’t know how to listen to my body to know whether or not I was hungry (I ate prophylactically) and I carried the extra weight to hide behind.
    Once I accepted that I was transgender I decided that I wanted to lose weight to be within a healthier range (and less curvy) but it was a real struggle to figure out how. The biggest change is to eat to feed myself rather than to eat to stuff down my feelings – I had to re-learn how much food was a reasonable portion, and cut down a lot on wine and beer. It has been a struggle (and I am sure US restaurants serve larger portions of fattier foods than in Sweden) but I feel better physically and psychologically.

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