My voice

When I was 15 a boy in school called me a “transvestite prostitute” in Chinese due to my dark voice. For some reason I wasn’t really offended by it, maybe because this boy was overall obnoxious to everyone. (I got my revenge in the end – he was mean to some younger girls and I snapped, grabbing him by the neck and swung him into some furniture in the room. He never picked on me or my friends ever again. It’s the first and the last time I’ve ever used violence to settle anything.) But there’s some truth in what he said, I do have a low voice for a woman. It’s just that I sound more like a boy stuck in puberty voice change than a man, I even got the frog stuck in my throat from time to time. Over all I feel like a boy stuck in puberty, desperately longing to be the man I know I am.
I know that my voice will change on T and it’s one of the things I’m looking forward to the most, but unfortunately it’s also the thing my wife dread the most. For her a lot of my personality is in my voice and letting my voice change is equivalent of letting my personality change. I keep telling her that I will continue to express myself in a similar way and that the change won’t be over night. It will come gradually and she will learn to connect my personality to my new voice range. Of cause she knows all of this, but she’s really afraid of loosing me in this process. We’ve both done our homework on this and we both knows that T can change a lot, not only the exterior bit but also the interior. Like attraction. It’s not uncommon to change ones sexual preferences while on T but loosing my attraction to my wife would be devastating for both of us. I really hope our relationship is strong enough to cope with the changes ahead. It didn’t make me feel any better when I found a page with “things you now have to get used to as you are about to transition” which stated, apart from the things I’m already used to like being the one talked about everywhere and having to educate everyone you meet, that you are going to change your personality when on T. T doesn’t change your personality per se, but it changes how you react or think about things and that in return can change your personality. Hm, I kind of like the person I am with all my quirkiness. I don’t really want to change and my wife is terrified to loose me already – changing personality is a big no-no for her.

6 thoughts on “My voice

  1. I haven’t gone on T, but I have taken various hormones for health related reasons. I’ve had reactions to each of the (crabbiness, heat sensitivity, and feeling alien in my body come to mind), but I don’t think they had any effect on my basic character, just on my day to day sense of my body.
    I’ve been tempted to take T long enough to have my voice drop, but with my luck I’d go bald first instead (the two irreversible T effects are voice and scalp).
    Donna was petrified she would lose mr to my transition and I spent a lot of time trying to convince her I was here for good.

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  2. I would have liked (read loved) to go on T, but B would not hear of it. So I had to give up that dream. Our relationship is more important to me. I do push the barriers, like having a guy’s haircut, but I guess that is all she can bear at the moment. Having her support for top surgery, meant the world to me. I hope you and your wife can come to a mutually acceptable agreement, Fredrik. Take care.

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    • I think she will be on board eventually, considering what she has adapted to over just the last year. Well, accepted is not the right word, I think embrace is more like it. She is a true positive-thinker and always see the ups to everything. I know she really like me being more masculine and manly and she want me to transition, her hesitation is just an expression of “hey, it’s going to fast”. With time to adjust and som knowledge she won’t have an issue with it. I am soooo lucky to have her!!!!

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