Men, men, men…

I don’t understand men. I don’t understand women either, but I’m quite used to that and I’ve had a lifetime of practicing to deal with it… But being a trans man should mean that I understand men more than women, shouldn’t it? I haven’t thought much about it until I decided that I want to transition. Most of my friends are women so I’m quite used to socialize with them, even if I have a hard time understanding them from time to time, and haven’t thought much of how guys socialize. I don’t have any friends that are just mine, I always meet them together with my wife and since she’s were social, she tend to do most of the social talk (and I’m very grateful for it!). So meeting friends normally means that I sit on the sideline listening to my wife talking with our friends and making insertions here and there and talking only when we discuss a subject that I find interesting. This is the way I’ve been socializing since, forever. Before my wife, I tagged along with my best friend and before her I tagged along my parents. I do however start too feel the need for some friends on my own, and started to open my eyes to see our friends hubbies that also tend to tag along. Maybe they talk about more interesting things, I thought. But I get more and more confused with men the more I try to understand them, they always seems so nervous. Either they’re sitting quiet next to their wife, serving coffee and cake or they talk compulsory about machines or paint. I get the quiet and coffee part, that’s normally what I do too, but the talking part I don’t get. I would get it if they seemed too be passionate about it, if it’s something they really enjoyed to talk about (like women do – it just that I’m not interested in those subjects), but too me it seems like they avoid talking about things they would like to talk about and gibber on about neutral boring stuff. Why bother talking manically about something that doesn’t interest you or the other person when there’s an alternative? Either you talk about something you want to talk about, or you sit quiet. I get really nervous about this behavior. I feel like I have to pretend to be interested and then find something else to jabber about when I would much rather just sit with the guy in the same room, staring out the window and be quiet. Or talk about something that at least one of us care about.
I’m quite happy though that I have started to socialize with (straight) men and that I’m capable to do it on my own (the women tend to sit in another room). But are all men this nervous and boring, or is it just the men I meet? Where do you find sound and balanced men? The most giving conversations I’ve had with men are with transvestites and gays and while they’re all nice and interesting, I still feel the need to talk with straight men. Not least because I want to learn how to act like a straight man. But if acting like a straight man means that you are so insecure and nervous that you either babble like a bafoon or get all cocky and macho, I’m not sure that that’s what I want.

9 thoughts on “Men, men, men…

  1. I spent 30 years working in a very male dominated environment (NYC Subway System) and making relatively small talk with guys. American straight guys, in general, in public, have very little access to their feelings except when they talk about their kids which makes them almost human.
    My co-workers talked sports (ugh), cars, house fix-it, and gossiped about other guys in the office. I also know a lot about what kind of underwear they wear (boxers or briefs) and what kind of women they are attracted to (breasts or thighs) and what kind of beer they drink (cheap by the case). In my experience they gossiped more than women and spent a lot of time comparison shopping for guy stuff. I’m too queer to enjoy hanging out with them except at work.
    I prefer the company of women for talking and hanging out. I think there are some straight cis guys who feel that way too and if I was going to do a binary transition I’d be one of those guys.

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    • Your coworkers seem to behave just like the steriotypical man!
      The thing is that I don’t enjoy talking to women either, I’m just more used to it. I guess I have to conitnue to look for people I enjoy talking to and hang on tightly to those I find!

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  2. Lesboi says:

    Maybe you could join a club or take up a hobby and meet some guys that way. I fly model airplanes and find the chatter between the guys in my club pretty entertaining most of the time. They talk mostly about their hobby, which I’m interested in, but also joke around and have a good time too. I don’t know what sort of things interest you but if you zeroed in on those things it might help. Just a thought.

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  3. Don’t worry, I know plenty of guys who are sick to death of the whole male repression/sports/macho mayhem, and will have nothing to do with encouraging inane chatter. Rising above this to become a better man is a sign of evolution, rather than bathing in the stagnant conformist soup. Be you, you decide how much of a man you are, and no man can tell you otherwise. Rawr!

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    • I just read an article about a couple with a disabled child. In the middle of the text the father said “I’ve always cried easily…”. I just wanted to shout “Finally, a HUMAN man!!!!” It gave me hope and I decided right there and then to be just me. The whole me.

      Liked by 1 person

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