Time

Oh, how much that changes with a little time! When my wife and me started to talk about the possibility for me to transition, we talked a little about the possibility for me to have hormone therapy and the different kind of correctional surgeries available. She was fully on board with me having mastectomy and hysterectomy, but phalloplasty and the potential changes that comes with hormones were a different thing. She was afraid that the voice drop would make me feel like a different person to her and she was very suspicious about the potential body-hair and its placement. She still don’t want me to grow a beard, and are making sure that I will shave when on T. But her thoughts of the rest have changed, and yesterday she said she was really looking forward to when I’m on hormone therapy. She’s also looking forward to me having top surgery so she can touch my chest properly without any lumps of distraction. She’s also starting to se what I’ve seen all this time – my head doesn’t belong to this female body. It truly look like someone stuck my head to someone else’s body! It’s a really good-looking body, I must admit, but it is not mine.
Apart from my wife’s warmer feelings towards my transformation, my own feelings of the process have also changed. I too was afraid of some of the outcome, especially the visibly changes when on T, but today I just feel that however my body decides to change when I’m on T, it’s ok with me because it just means that I’m finally becoming the man I was supposed to be all this time. My body will react to T the way it’s supposed to, and it will change my body accordingly. I am REALLY looking forward to the hysterectomy, I think this is the one surgery that will have the largest impact on me. I think it will make me feel more manly than any of the other surgeries since I have the hardest time with my body when I have my period. Every month I feel like my body betrayed me in the worst possible way, a feeling I’ve had since I got my first period. I’m also looking forward to the top-surgery and the testosterone, but I guess it comes in second place for me. When it comes to phalloplasty I haven’t really changed my mind – the outcome of the surgery is still not good enough for me. And even though I still would want a penis, I want it to function properly. At the moment I have set my eyes on the possibility to have a prosthetic instead, but I won’t make up my mind until I’ve been to the gender clinic and had the opportunity to talk through all the available options.
It’s strange how this process have changed me. My anxiety has dropped remarkable since I started my transformation and I feel much more secure and can stand up for myself better. My posture has improved and I take better care of myself. I’ve tried to use moisturizer for years, but it never really worked out more than one week. I’ve now moisturized every day for a couple of months never missing a day. I also fix my hair every morning – something I’ve never done before. I might have pulled a brush through it occasionally, but I never used products or styled it. Now I can’t leave the house (or answer the door) without first making sure that my hair and my clothes are in order. I’m becoming a vain man!

6 thoughts on “Time

  1. I can hear that you are happier and more confident and I am so happy that your wife is supporting you so much. It means a lot when your partner is on board. Mine is iffy when it comes to support – she supported my top surgery, but is clinging to the idea of me being female. I don’t think she will change and I am hesitant to push her, she has been through enough pain and loss in her life. I am reasonably happy for now. Hope the little one is sleeping through! Take care, all 7 of you.
    Kris

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    • My wife’s support means the world to me, without it I wouldn’t be where I am today! I wish that everyone could have the support I have from her, it makes the whole process less daunting knowing she will stand by her man no matter what!
      We have got the nicest baby possible! She sleeps during the night for 5-7 hours, doesn’t cry and are always happy when she’s awake. I constantly question what we have done to deserve such a nice and easy little baby! She’s really cute too – it’s not just her parents that say so… 😉

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  2. It’s so wonderful to hear about the positive changes that are already happening! I also noticed the my posture suddenly improved and I found a new interest in grooming, actually enjoyed picking out clothes, etc. It sounds like you and your wife have a great partnership.

    Re: hormones and surgery. Just fyi testosterone usually stops menstruation, thank God. Also, if you don’t like the phallo results, you might want to look into metoidioplasty. It has some benefits like better sensation results and the ability to become erect without a device.

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  3. I had my hysto for fibroids, but I felt immediately better having the uterus out, and I did not think of it as trans related at the time. Do the gender clinics allow you to do stuff in the order you want or do they make you do it on their timeline (the way the UK clinics do) with a real life experience test?
    Glad you are able to sleep through the night – one lucky baby.

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    • I have no idea if I have to do anything in a specific order, the question has never crossed my mind. I do know, howewer that some kind of real life experience is required, but that’s all I know. I guess I’m just happy to have the possibility to transition at all!
      If the baby doesn’t sleep during the night my wonderful wife takes her and let me sleep ’til the morning. Then I take over and let her sleep. I can’t express how grateful I am to call her my wife!!!

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