Who is he?

I’m so happy! I visited a school the other day for some technical troubleshooting with one of the teachers. When she explained the trouble, some of her second graders came into the classroom. They talked a little with her while I sorted out some cables, and suddenly one of the students ask her “who is he?”, looking at me. The student was quickly corrected by another student who knows me, and she looked really miserable after that. I wish I could tell her how right she was, that it’s all the other people who got my gender wrong… I guess this was bound to happen at some point, but I’m so used to be gendered as a female by everyone that when this happened I was totally unprepared for it. I’ve been longing for this to happen for so long now, and I’ve been upbeat for several days now because of this tiny episode.
Today I picked up my new shirts as well. A couple of weeks ago I tried to buy new shirts I the city, but nothing fits me! It’s the oh-so-common FtM curse of trying to fit a female body in clothes made for men’s bodies. I then found a company online that do custom made shirts (and chinos, pools, suites and coats) for half the price of a shirt in town. I entered my measurements, designed two shirts and have been waiting impatiently for them since then. Today they arrived at the post office and I hurried home to try them on. It’s a strange and really nice feeling when the clothes you wear actually fit you. Both in measurements and in style. At last I look as proper as I want to!

Me posing in my new shirt

Scrawny me

Unfortunately I also found out that I’m far more scrawny than I thought I was. I’ve always had very broad shoulders for a girl, looking very male in short sleeved dresses, but in these shirts that fit me properly it’s obvious that my shoulders aren’t broad enough for a man. It doesn’t look as bad in my other, way too big shirts, but now… I think I have to get a jacket or waistcoat to mask some of it up. What I really want is to be able to do some working out or swimming in order to build some more muscles, but I’m prohibited to do any weightlifting due to my dislocated rib. It sucks, I’m restless and I’ve been in a lot of pain for a long time now and it’s apparently starting to wear me down physically as well as mentally.

6 thoughts on “Who is he?

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