I’ve discovered that I have a lot of biases about men – what a man are and how they should behave. In my mind there were just a few different ways of being a man, either you are a super masculine, bragging, obnoxious, protective bully or an insecure, wining and loving husband/dad. My view of women on the other hand is very diverse. It’s never been an issue before, all men I know fit one of my stereotypes. The problem with this view on men started one day when my wife and I talked about my main gender-issue; where on the scale between man and woman I fit in. For the first time I stripped away all social contexts and my own biases of gender in order to answer the question properly and I must say that my answer surprised even myself. I am a man! I just have a really hard time to acknowledge it for myself due to my own narrow mindedness. In my mind I could never be a man because I could never fit any of my stereotypes. It was easier for me to widen the female spectra to include the very masculine me than challenging my thoughts of men to include someone like me. It never occurred to me that my stereotypes are up the walls. It’s sad, but I’m working on it now and have started to look for people who challenge my old views. I want to have the same diverse view of men as I have of women and I think I’ll be a better person from it. For each day that passes I feel stronger and stronger that I’ve finally found a large piece of my personal puzzle, you know the one piece that makes other pieces fall into place. I feel proud, but the stronger I feel my inner man growing, I’m also starting to realize the consequences. I will never be a typical man, I have do the whole coming out all over again – to friends, family and coworkers. Most of them will be no problems, but I’m not sure how my parents will react. I lost a few “friends” the last time I came out of the closet and I’m aware that it might happen again, even though it’s not as likely this time. I have to choose a new name, I have to explain my gender every time I see a new doctor, I have to put up with being seen as a man by narrow minded people like myself. I’m going to be a dad, husband and he. Me and my wife are going to be heterosexuals – a super-normal family! I think this will be the hardest to get used to. We’re so used to be odd and unusual that the thought of being seen as a normal straight couple will take time to get used to. How on earth will other people now know how special we are? πŸ˜‰ I comfort my wife with the fact that we still have four hairless dogs and that will still raise an eyebrow or two. I also told her that when she start to feel to normal, she can just tell someone that her husband used to be a woman… On the upside of transitioning; if we ever decide to have more children I won’t have to adopt them as they legally will be assumed to be mine! Another upside is that I will feel more comfortable in my own skin and be a better spouse and parent than I ever could be as a woman. And that’s not a bad thing!

4 thoughts on “Prejudices

  1. Ess, I only had my dad as male role model and he died when I was pre-teens, so I grew up ‘categorizing’ men very much like you did – not finding a ‘typical man’. I have, though, found males who are gentle, sincere, loving and kind in my work life and look to them as ‘role models’ – not the correct term as I do not believe in modeling myself on anybody, but the closest to an explanation I can get. We can only but be the best husbands and fathers to our wives we can be. All the best. And btw, when do we get to see those hairless children? πŸ™‚


    • Thanks for your kind respons!
      I’m lucky to have had my grandfather to look up to, my dad isn’t really role model material… I also try to choose friends that are gentle and loving (males, females and between), but most men I know still have a macho part to them that doesnt suit them (one of my friends have a macho side to him that is really flattering to him- again someone I “look up to”).
      The non-furry children will make it to the blog shortly I think πŸ˜‰


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