The whole family went to the fairground today with all-you-can-ride-pass for the whole day. I had one too, even though I realized I wouldn’t go on many rides since I still have problems with my back. During our six hour stay, I went on two roller coasters twice each, ate lunch, had an ice cream and sat on a bench in the sunshine with my wife who couldn’t go on any rides due to the pregnancy. I had a really nice time and it was more relaxing than it would have been staying in bed all day. No cleaning, no washing, no cooking and no dogs that want to play. Just me, my wife and a few other nice people in the sun.
Since we were going to be away all day, my wife asked me (politely, but firmly) to not wear my binder (she has somehow been informed that you are not supposed to wear it more than 8 hours a day). Instead I had one of my old sport-bras. I haven’t worn them since I got my binders, and didn’t think much of it. That’s until we were in the park, with hundreds of people around us. Then I suddenly realized that my boobs were showing through the shirt. I haven’t felt so embarrassed for a really long time, and I had a really hard time to let go of that feeling. This combined with the utterly strong pain I had after each ride I went on, made me feel very unmanly. This is a feeling I never want to experience ever again, but I suspect I will feel it many more times anyway…
I’m surprised over how important it is for me to feel manly when I don’t consider myself to be a man. I guess with time I will figure out why.

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