Hair

Since my hair grows like weed, it’s time for a new appointment at the hairdressers. I’ve had the same hairdresser for many years and she has become a friend to our family. When I was on vacation this summer, I took the opportunity to try out another hairdresser and get a shorter hairstyle than I normally have. It turned out really well and I was very comfortable in that hairstyle, but as my gender expression has changed the haircut has started to feel a bit to feminine for me after all, so I decided to ask for an even shorter cut this time.
On many trans* resources on the Internet, you can get tips for haircuts – and a whole lot of other stuff to, of cause. One of the advices given is to avoid hairdressers that know you as a woman/lesbian since they will find it harder to give you a suitable hairstyle. I really like my hairdresser – but after reading this I started to doubt that she would be able to give me the hairstyle I am aiming for. My options of hairdressers are quite slim, living in a small town. Every time I have visited any of the other hairdressers in town, I have always been utterly disappointed and that’s the reason I have been going to my hairdresser for so long. My hairdresser is a good listener, incredibly skillful and super nice. Eventually I decided to give her a chance, and a challenge. If anyone can do it, she can!
When I came to her salon I told her that I wanted a more masculine hairstyle. We talked about how I define myself between man and woman, and she caught on immediately. She told me a little bit about how male hairstyles are built (symmetry, shorter neckline, more square angles) and then she cut my hair. The new hairstyle really is a change from what I have had before, and that is good. This is a way for me to try how masculine I want my gender expression to be, a way of pushing the limits to find what make me most comfortable.
My new haircut has required some getting used to. At first I looked just like my uncle did when he was 20 (except for the height and the boobs). After a little styling I looked just like my dad. One morning I looked just like one of our friends – a dyke with a not so good-looking hairstyle. Thankfully that could quickly be fixed with some water and styling products. Overall, this hairstyle has proven hard to style, my hair can be very determined and stubborn when it’s short, but I can survive that. My biggest issue at the moment is that I look like others all the time – but never like myself. After all that’s the point of changing my gender expression, to be able to look more like myself.
At the moment I think I will let the hair grow for a couple of weeks, hoping that it will think that it’s still summer and grow like crazy, and ask for a less masculine hairstyle next time. My current plan is to ask for something more similar to the hairstyle I had before this one, just shorter so that I hopefully have a hairstyle that is more “me” before our beloved baby arrives and the whole family obsessionally start taking photos where I might end up in the background. When our daughter looks at the pictures 20 years from now, I don’t want her first thought to be “who is that person in the background” or “what a WEIRD HAIRSTYLE you have, mummy”. It would be just as bad if I look at the pictures with her and think the same – or discover that I look just as uncomfortable as I look on all previous pictures.
Still I’m happy that I feel so strongly that this hairstyle is too masculine for me, and that I care. I didn’t do that before and it means that I’m slowly starting to find the gender expression that is the most comfortable to me.

2 thoughts on “Hair

  1. i’m lucky. Alan, who cuts my hair, understands what I want. But it took a couple of tries to get it right. The good thing is that once you find what you like, you can pretty much wear it that way forever. Every once in a while I think about asking him to buzz it more or take it a little shorter, but I’m happy with it. My fear is that he will retire and I’ll have to start over with someone else.

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    • Your fear will be mine… My hairdresser retires in just a few years. I don’t know what to do then, maybe I should look for a younger one soon, in the hope that the new one won’t move or change profession!

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