They

Many trans* and transgender-persons prefer singular they as a pronoun. I can understand this, but I don’t feel any need to change my pronoun. I am comfortable being called “she”, “wife” and my female name because both I and those closest to me know that I am transgender and that is enough for me. Acquaintances and other people can tell that I don’t act or look typically female and I care surprisingly little about what they think about my gender identity (though I can care surprisingly much about what other people think about what I do or say otherwise).
The only time I feel a need for a different pronoun is when I fill in questionnaires or forms. I always hesitate when I am supposed to check either “man” or “woman”. Partly because I question how relevant it is, and partly because I never know what to check. Just because I’m ok with female pronouns doesn’t mean that I define myself as a woman, or a man. I’m in between. None. And both.
It’s going to be interesting to see if I still will feel this way if I decide to get top surgery and a hysterectomy. Would my pronoun be more important to me if I have a more masculine/androgynous appearance? Will I want to be called “they” – or would I, if I decide to change pronouns at all, prefer “he”? Would my wife call me her husband then? What would she call me as a “they”-person? When you have a registered partnership, there is the gender neutral word “partner” to call each other, but we are married. It could be that it is all these thoughts that make me want to keep my pronoun – none of them feel comfortable, but at least I am used to “she”.
Note: This is a translation of a post originally written in Swedish. In Swedish there are three official pronouns where the gender neutral one is fairly new and hasn’t really worked its way into the language yet. It is still hard for most swedes to use the gender neutral pronoun with ease in a conversation. The Swedish pronouns are “han” (he), “hon” (she) and “hen” (they). For this post I translate “hen” with “they” because it seems to be the best match although I know there are many other gender neutral pronouns in the English language.

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