Old pictures

I looked through the pictures on my Facebook-account last night. Particularly the pictures of me, or maybe I should say who I used to be because all the pictures of me is when I have long hair and women´s clothes. I looked really uncomfortable in most pictures and have trouble to even recognize myself.
Honestly, it felt really awkward that all my new acquaintances should see all these horrible pictures of me, so I started a clear-out. That’s when I realized that I only had uploaded three pictures of myself – one from behind and the other two are profile pictures that I like. All the other pictures were uploaded by my wife or one of our closest friends. Figures.
I asked my wife to remove most of the pictures, and explained why and how it made me feel to see them. It was no problem for her and even though she has difficulty understanding my feelings, she accepts them and that’s enough for me. I let her keep a few pictures that I feel I can at least stand, although I don’t love them. It’s worse with the pictures that our friend has uploaded. I think I have to accept that there always will be old pictures of me even though it doesn’t feel like me in those pictures. Other people will remember me looking like that – and the pictures may stay for their sake. I might try to dive into the technology of Facebook to get them hidden from my account. That or I have to accept that it is a part of what made me into the person I am today.
Strangely enough I don’t have the same feelings about photos in old albums. I feel nothing for the pictures of me as a child – I feel that it is a completely different person on those pictures. A girl I knew once. Even the pictures from the start of our relationship are easier to handle. A part of it is because I have changed a lot since then and have roughly the same feelings towards those pictures as the ones of me as a child. Another part is due to the fact that a lot fewer persons have access to those pictures – and I can choose myself to whom I show the pictures to.

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